Hospital Roll Call
Well if it ain't my motherfuckin' specialty!
Hospitals. A&E. ER. Waiting Rooms. There really is no way to fully cope with these visits, you just fly by the seat of your pants if you are anything like me.
Never eat the food in a Hospital
it's the kind of food that got most people fouled up and registered in there in the first place. Christ, I have met Nurses that don't even know what Lactose free Milk is....Good Christage!
Even thou Hospitals are kept cold to kill off bacteria and other unfriendly virus partical strains of things that are un fun to your body...you can or at least i do...start to feel like I am coming down with some bullshit...so remember to step outside every so often and get some fresh air....it ain't real fresh, but it beats Hospital white air.
I have found that the best way to cope with Hospital visits is to not look around too much....look at the floor a lot and know where you are going. Know the map to the room..know the path, the building number, the elevators you must take, etc. Don't be too cheerful and don't be too morose and for Godsake's somebody turn that fucking Television volume Down some, Son!
No but really the best way to cope is to wear a backpac and inside of it have 12 beers.
Go into the bog room, lock yourself into the bog....and chug the fuck outta 2 or 3 of them bad boys.
Hospitals are very Radiohead
and that ain't a good thing.
If you don't drink alcohol
then tough Luck fucker
cause it doesn't get any better
and just wait till they move your family member OUT of hospital and into a Rehab facility where the old and the mad old and the loonies come out crawling wanting to play with your hair and talk to you about world war II confetti and how to do the Charleston with a glass eye and a peg leg and christmas tree lights over some poor old black woman who has been in a coma for more years than you can shake a stick at...as the family says...ain't no easy way out.
There is however another way of looking at it.
You just don't get too serious about it. You remove some of yourself, like warding off a panic attack, you just shrug it off and get on with the business at hand.
Keep it clean, listen to the nurses, even keep a note pad and pencil for shit you might want to remember. Make sure you have their social security number and date of birth if it's a grandparent or what have you, cause that can make things roll much smoother and cause your family member less strife, grief and struggle with little bullshit things.
For years i was allergic it seemed to Hospitals....i couldn't handle them....i was always outside...but when my Grandparents got cancer i had to jump in or fuck off and i jumped in. I winged it like a motherfucker...and I found my own nervous pace to it all...i never got use to it, but i fancy i got some things done...they seemed to think so at the time if my memory serves me well...which it usually does Not, sir!
You just have to grow some thicker skin and handle it. Remember that it is NOT About YOU
it's about OTHERS and their well being....and in this life if you can't Rock and Roll for others then you ain't shit, pal.
Exchange your fear for Focus, be ready to kick ass and take names...begin to pay attention to the medications they are lobbing off on your loved one.
Busy yourself making sure your loved one has cold water at their bedside and a clean straw. Ask them if they need anything, and make sure they have had their breakfast or lunch or Supper, what have you...don't be a pain in the arse but keep up on the need to know. There is usually a board on the wall with majik marker date and doctor visit times...or examination times....keep note of those things....
When I have to be...I am a fucking rockandroll soldier for people in Hospital....
if it's just a mild visit...then i take a six pack of cold beer and it takes the edge off of all the white, sterilized, bad art, and deathly white floating feeling one sometimes encounters....but when i have to rock and roll for somebody...I buck the fuck up and Rock and Roll.
You should too.
Leave the fear in your car in the parking lot.
Leave it to the people in washington or buddha
or a bird on a wire.....but get your ass in there and handle the situation the best you can.
There is a restroom in each room...use it to throw up...splash some water on your face, chew some gum and look in the mirror and tell yourself, you can handle this no matter fucking what.....there is nothing to do but rock and roll for your loved one.
It's just a different kind of fire you gotta walk through and it will eventually build more character in you.
Reach deep down inside of your fuckun' soul
and find patience
find the calmness inside of yourself
and do for others like someday you may need them to do unto you
and if that doesnt work
get the beer out....and wing it like Jerry Lewis
and keep the faith
cheers Miss Jessi
mind your Soul