Ask iAN

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Crying into you

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It is as if you see me from the outside of my own nowhere bubble
did you see me as the tears flowed over that empty space your Father once stood in...how I held him in the highest regard
how empty like a motorcycle gas tank i felt like...
did you see me contemplate the rose, the tiny leaves, or the souring of the watermelon all along our rich black history and leaving the snows in a heart wagon and you know i would cut my own wrist to save that light of Golden day, but i am simple and in shallow police polluted common waters...nowhere.

How do you know me and my moan?
How do you know this gentle view i keep secret?
why do you know my hurt, better than me
i don't understand your kindness anymore than i understand the mystery of the stars in the skies at night
is that you catching my tears on your boots
is that you leaving the songs and insects alone until the dust gets a hint to settle?
Is that you backing up compassion for others as so called friends left me to the cold earth alone?

You know i back you with all that I have
you know I would give you an eyeball
but how do you see me
when i am lost inside of a forest of robins
inside of a lake of water wolves?
How do you span the space of time and reflection on a flight out in to nowhere
how do you hold my hand like a ghost song?

what began our common blood?
when did you get so in tune with my heartbeat that the heavens shut down
and this simple dream of 3:33 and i couldn't save this smile of all we've ever known...
You on the other side of the world and me washing off grapes in a sink
and i would have given my tongue
my fingers
my sanity
to save what Christmas meant when it was calm....

we sit here...both out to deep blue Sea
and i want to touch your hands without touching them
like the trace of a ghost around a central figure...i want to hold you as loose as water around a waving plant
but you are on the other side of mourning...with the sillouettes and mangled star carnage...mildly devoured and with a dawn kissed sleepy smile on your mug...

I wish i was a better friend
I don't know what you see in my nothing
I will swim to you
as long as you care
to say my name

goodnight.... .*