Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Ask iAN * D*I*V*O*R*C*E

Ask iAN

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Ask iAN * D*I*V*O*R*C*E


Like druqks & alcohol, divorce affects people differently.
Like druqks & alcohol, people handle divorce differently.
It's fairly rare when two people can seperate and remain friends and helpful towards one another.
My parents divorced when I was 4 and
Like druqks & alcohol, divorce affects children differently, too.  That is why it is so very important that when
getting a divorce, the adults are civil to one another, it keeps the child or children from heavy emotional duress
and is in general a simple code of conduct, cordiality and respect.
Divorce affected me much different than it did somebody like kurdt kobain.  He rode that complaint straight to the grave, yet when it was his turn to be a married father, he divorced himself from not only his wife and child but from Life itself...
It's easy to blame your parent's divorce on so many things, that is until you get older and find yourself in a relationship that has simply broke down and then you understand your parents a little bit more than you did growing up.

Nobody goes to the altar with the inspiration of getting a divorce in the future any more than you buy a new car in the hopes of crashing it into the side of a building one fine day.

Most people can't balance their checkbook or maintain their weight let alone manage a mature relationship or the seperation that sometimes lifts it's sorry head from the shadows.

What i find most frightening about divorce most of the time, is the attitude of the male.  Especially if he is working class, working full time and there are kids attending school.  I have seen some devistation in my times.
In many cases, the male is completely in the dark about how the female is feeling.  He is so busy doing the same old thing, that he doesn't notice that the female is withering.  He reads no obvious tell tale signs, he doesn't know it but he takes her for a piece of property...the wife, the house, the car, the kids, the mower, the bowling ball, the BBQ grill, the fishing pole, the gun.  The Gun.

Men can come off feeling duped, cheated, lied to, betrayed, half assassinated, played and in his eyes...his princess has spun into a Jezebel...and you know what happened to Jezebel...

In my humble opinion i think it's a bad move to start seeing another person outside of a marriage.
I believe that if someone within the marriage falls for another, it should be brought up right away and done somewhere in public as to avoid being murdered. 

Sometimes the Prince you married turns into the slob yer chained to.
Sometimes the princess you married turns out to be the crab apple or the bitch that blew every buddy of yours on your bowling team...not only does the body change through the years, but also the heart and mind and spirit...they all grow and sometimes they stop growing, perhaps stunted by cigarettes, lack of stimulation, education, lack of sex or sex drive or lack of adventure, stuck in the doldrums of the day in/day out...marriage should be about recreating and recapturing some form of zest...
It also takes 110 percent from both people...and it truly should be based on something like being best friends, but man
get married for all sorts of different reasons....
some get married too young and damn it man...yer gunna change
yer gunna grow
yer heart is gunna think different at 31 than it did when it was 21 than it did when it was 16...and sometimes
it doesn't...some folks marry their highschool sweetheart and never change course...bloody lucky bastards...bores!  Just kidding...bless their hearts....Lucky fuckers....

Seriously though, there are some cases of divorce that just spin out of control...because one (usually the male) just will not and cannot accept it.  It becomes a Rome sized denial or something akin to accepting as a patriot that your country men have sold you out...and this can make a person very fucking dangerous...depending on whom yer married to...double homicide, suicide, police, restraining orders, women's shelters, the whole can get grusome and very, very deadly...but hey...sometimes you just don't know that you are getting married to a psychopath...not with that nice smile...couldn't be.
Some broken hearts lead to broken minds.  Some people's reactions are just flat out of your hands...there isn't much to help them...because they were not taught at a younger age about change and's sad and fucked up, but it's real.

Now if we are speaking of level headed people then divorce doesn't have to be the end of the world.  I have friends that are divorced and have kids and they are very supportive of one another and they work out their different hours so that everyone gets an equal amount of time with the kids....and yeah, it's a little hard for the kids to adapt at first but fuck'em...they eventually come round and feel the least smart kids do.  Hell, when i was growing up my dad had a girlfriend and my mom had a boyfriend and if my dad gave me five bucks
and his girlfriend gave me five bucks
and my mom gave me five bucks
and her boyfriend gave me five bucks...on the weekend...i do the math, cocksucker...that smells like
20 dollars to me...and if my parents had stayed married?
10 fuckun' bucks...fuck that!

Through the years my dad has dated a few women...never remarried...and I have learned many things from these women...all women of strength and character and kindness...people that i could turn to when i had a problem i wanted to talk about...and the fellow that my mom dated, i send him fathers day cards and birthday cards even though they are not together...the heart is big enough to love your parents even though they are divorced and love the people that they love as well...and the main thing about having divorced parents...that i have learned is that

the divorce wasn't about ME.
The world doesn't fuckun' spin around ME
it's about
my Mom
and my Dad

Treat them and see them as People with feelings FIRST.
Then as Parents...Secondly.
Not the other way around...
Love the person first and the parent second.

I do NOT see divorce as a failure by any means.  I don't see it as a dance party either.
I have come to the conclusion that i do not want what doesn't want me around and I accept that and move on...I don't try to fight for something that has lost all interest in me and i don't take it personal due to a change of heart, on the other's behalf...and I wish them nothing but well...I mean's all so temporary married or single or dating...that it's hard to take so serious.  The first respect in another is accepting that your beloved has the right to change at any given time and that does not give you any right to harm them or fuck them up in any way...i don't care for words like promise and devotion and always, these are highschool love letter words...they're just words and the heart is not made of words and is much more complicated than anything Shakespeare ever scribbled...

Two people getting a divorce can't be expected to remain close like best friends afterwards but they can be respectful and civil towards one least that...especially when kids are involved....brute force doesn't solve a damn thing and neither does being shitty...and as for parents that use their kids like tug o' war ropes... and what never dawns on many of them that try to keep the child from the other parent out of fear of bad influence, is that the child that they are trying to mold into the shape of themselves will be anything but that and most times go in the opposite direction...

In my dunce opinion, people should never get married by law or the church...they should just do it in a park, or by the sea...and sign a contract that permits the other to leave any ol' time they want...of course both people should talk to make sure there isn't a mis-communication or misconception about something that may have looked one way but was when we sometimes jump to conclusions...and don't look close enough...but i don't see what money or the state or the church has to do with love.  I do know that there is money to be made on divorces....

Why does divorce exist?
It's all in the word...exist....just remove the letter "s".

which i will be doing right about now....

bless yer heart
ain't no easy way out*
Sometimes divorce is what is needed to make you both be yourselves once again...instead of another dilapitated and withering birdnest...and never build your home on someone else's yourself first...then you can love or let go of another...with a bit of kindness and due respect.
Then again...i've never been married...what the fuck do i know?
Enough to stay away from the state when it comes to matters of the heart and not build my independence
on another's growing is given not owned. 
We can't all be Johnny Cash & June Carter....

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