Ask iAN

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ASK iAN * It’s Hard Work being a Girl

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It took a lot of courage to write in what you wrote and we won't waste it.
Women's health issues are on the tableĀ  these days...and being a major Fan of Women...i am slightly shocked that as a country we are even re-hashing
some of these things...kind of like questioning the idea of the wheel...i feel the same way about women's rights...especially when it is dumb men fingering through the tablaturesĀ  of women's delicates, and where ever there is an abortion...there is a man...my take is that men, unless they have an iota of a helpful solution running wild somewhere inside of their idle mind, they should just shut the fuck up...and count their lucky stars that a vagina was even kind enough to burp them into life....I like free women, i like women to chose, i like women to make their own choices 100% all the way around...the goddamned man's job is to tell her that the red flats look better with the dark blue dress instead of the black heels with the red dress that makes her look like a trick pony...and to run some goddamned bath water, make something for supper, keep the TV low, bring two aspirin and a bottle of water...and tell her that after a long day at work, she still looks like a goddess...and then foot massage.

That is death chatteringingly frightning what you have experienced...and i am glad you got yourself to the hospital...I hope that any female fans of BRMC will always keep this in the back of their precious minds just in case you need to know what to do...when things feel wrong...do not procrastinate...save beauty alert...and it is better to get a 100 dollar bill because you simply drank too much diet coke...than to die because you didn't know the body can do it's own changes...etc...

I would like to stress that it is perfectly natural to feel
alone
unsafe
gutted
give it a name after something of this magnitude...
and this is a hurt...
like something is missing...and it is very psychologically similar to rape
because this is Not something you ordered.
Something has been changed, something has been toyed with
and strangers such as doctors, even though they help sometimes...can make it feel professional...and flowers and sterilization do not mix well...
It's a cold and lonely place...as the city lights flicker
as the people yell for the volume to turn up
as the drinks are scuttled off
and the pills change hands....and the laughter is deafening...
I know how alone you feel inside...and that is ok...it is natural...you are just healing the trauma...and you will heal.


As for having children and not being able to i really can't comment cause i'm a man and that does not give me the right to fancy to know those deeper feelings of connection and loss, but i do know
that this is a world where there are many children and babies as good as gold
that shake beg for love
that need help to just begin to stand
that have eyes of gentle deer hurt
that do not understand this explosive world going on around them...
and you can
with a little strength
someday perhaps
be a solid sun answer...

bed time stories are good
a cup of hot tea is good at night and hot chocolate is even better when two are sharing...
there are so many
wonderful starlings (children)
that need help with reading and writing and just putting their boots on...many babies out there of every magnificent colour to help...to drench in love...to warm with blanket...to care for...so please do not feel "different"
fuck a blood line
or ancestral protocol...even if you were sexless...there are still children...magical little motherfuckers out there to love...

Take something dark and spin it into Light...
The way i see it...was that i am blessed that you read the signs early and got to a doctor
that you are still here to shine your magnificence on us and perhaps by this letter, help another who finds herself in the same bad dire situation...and god help, gets herself to the A & E.

Thank you for being bold enough to share this and maybe save others...

I am thankful...you will walk through this fire...close calls take time to heal mentally and inside...so go at your own pace...you don't need to save the world more than you already have by just sharing your story...and nothing has REALLY changed...

You can still be a Great Mother
You will still rock the fuck out of the night once you get yourself situated...
You can still fall in love and make this movie of your life a true passionate film...

This is not an excuse to STOP being anything less or more than you were before the emergency....this is a wounded period...this is a time to heal...and as bukowski said...nothing like a little hint of death to get you tap dancing once again in synch...or something to that effect...

Find your inner flow again...meditation is soft...a soft bath...a quiet place...to cry it away...like i am doing now...and come back...like a deep relaxed breath...a strength replenished...and when it is time for you to raise a child...you will.

I don't mean to speak for a woman being a man and all...but it isn't that difficult to put myself in your boots mentally and have empathy and sympathy...and feel the loss...the gutting...the cruelty of an unwanted order...but that is done now...turning anger into strength and ideas...

is what there is that is left...

this is no time to lose faith in yourself...and the funny strange part is that it could have happened to make something beautiful happen down the road a ways, in your life...

stay on your beautiful path...let mystery and simple majick happen...most of all heal and do not let this life bite scar you deep down inside...let it give you strength to believe in yourself now more than ever before...

Strong women are what make this world still loveable...

Heal*

my prayers are on fire for You, T.
LOVE/

iAN/BRMC P.S. You are not empty, quite the opposite...your capacity for love has just grown...and you are still the same beautiful flower that you always were...don't trim your thorns just yet and get some good rest at night...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--wy8QmLlM8