Ask iAN * Smokestack Lightning Leah
DON'T FUCK AROUND
First of all...a good drummer is hard to find. Finding a great drummer is next to impossible...especially one who has the time.
I don't rightly know how many bands I have played in so let's just say quite a few and looking back on the drummers I've performed with, i remember only one good one...and he got married in Las Vegas to a Frida Kahlo babe
and up and left for Portland...and after that, we got a new drummer and it was all blue Mondays for awhile...
Coming to the gig with no sticks.
Crying over a cracked cymbal.
Not only wanting to write lyrics worse than Ringo Starr, but also wanting to Sing lead vocals...worse than Ringo Starr and on top of that...it's a song about rubbing a woman's ass in the moonlight because his heart can't take the pain of the rain or the blame, or someother senseless drivel and unmititgated bad taste and utter horseshite....e gads!
Then some drummers
are just too damn stiff...never heard of the Happy Mondays
never once floated late at night with The Verve...and instead drum as if they not only had a can of diet Coke up their rectum but they haven't been laid since the first time they got laid...and then their playing is all over the shoppe...rapid fills, going plum nuts on the cowbell, playing the ass out of a triangle like they was batshit and stir crazy and whopping away at a huge celestial KISS Gong like an over zealous buddha boy high on fish n' chips. Drummers most always have
girlfriend problems too...not all of them...but many.
Drummers are the speedball peanut butter Tap in Spinal Tap...
The last drummer I worked with...we called him "Flatliner". That's right...as in no pulse...and no pulse=no heart beat....no pulse, no beat and although he was a sweet fella, he had but one emotion...and that emotion was "Huh?" He was just one huge walking question mark (?)
Did you go and buy some new sticks?
Is your girlfriend giving you a ride to practice?
Can you make it to the gig?
Is your fucking head on today?
His entire language was (who, what, where, when, huh?, ok, um, oh, maybe, and humpf?)
This guy needed a map to find his own pecker when he needed a piss...
So after hanging out with BRMC for a week and a half or so and watching how they work together you can just imagine how low my jaw slung open after each rehearsal...Not in all my puff had I seen a drummer the likes of Leah Shapiro...I mean she speaks Rob's language, she speaks Peter's language and sometimes she just uses mental telepathy with both of them...Sometimes
Rob might say...Let's come in after the second chorus, right after the double fade and right before the tripple bridge and the shing, shang, shong intro and Leah would simply go
AND THEY WERE IN IT DEEP BOY! RIGHT AT THAT SPOT!
i fainted once....
If I would have asked my last drummer to do that he would have looked at me like a dog that has just been told in Chinese how to repair an accordian...he wouldn't of had one iota of what the fuck i was on about....and Leah? Just
She has fresh ideas, she can mediate and after drumming her arms nearly off for hours, hops on her motorcycle and drives off to do yoga! If I drummed like her...I would just have my arms amputated and ask the band to buy me a Def Leppard electronic robot drum machine i could play like Stephen Hawking through the use of fluttering eyelids...
She even gets to practice early...her drumming could even wipe out a hangover! Instead of compounding a hangover, her playing actually gives off such good energy that your mind moves into a new dimension and before i knew it i was writhing on the floor like Iggy Pop...it was so pure and wonderful that i simply became a satiated spastique...and it was the good kind of slobber that drooled forth from the corners of my mouth...
Leah knows the math of music inside and out...a no bullshit drummer and person...i tried to cling to her when i began to feel the fears at times...and she cut my apron strings...and helped me handle it...she even brought almonds to practice, good heavens...
she also knows how to have fun and has a great sense of humor....and I know many of you know this...but I mean really....where do you find drummers like this?? I don't wanna know....I am just mad about her...and what she brings to the band...chalk it up to destiny, an omen, a little bit of luck and a whole lot of work....she's in the pocket like an 8 ball, like a hundred dollar bill, a diamond next to the needle in the hay...a true smokestack lightning*
Thank You Leah*
Photo by TESSA ANGUS
If you notice a spelling error, ignore it. Kiitos.